First Date Faux Pas
Sunday, 28 March 2010
from http://slingerman43.deviantart.com/
A few years ago now, I went on a date with a boy. I had met him at the Social, and he came over to me without saying as much as two words before he asked me out on a date. I figured, sure, why not. He was 30, and the drummer of a band. I give him my phone number as I leave the bar, and he tells me he is going to call me. Cool. The next day, I don’t receive a call, but a text message saying “Hey it’s __. Would you like to go for dinner on Wednesday night?”. Ok, still normal, great. I accept. Wednesday night rolls around and we still havent confirmed where we are going to go. He says “we’ll figure it out when I get to your house”. I know what that means. I lived across the street from Sneaky Dees at this point, so I always get this gut feeling, this worry, that one day someone would actually think of suggesting to go there for a first date. That or Bistro 422.
So he arrives, 15 minutes late, for our date. He gets to my house, and SHOCK ME SHOCK ME, he suggests Sneaky Dees (not even on a Tuesday where at least we could have fajitas). I shoot it down, as I had indulged in fajitas with some girlfriends the night prior, so it was a great excuse not to go. Not wanting to leave him up to potentially suggesting Toby’s or Bistro, I suggest going to Kalendar. So we do. I feel as though he is worried at this point of what type of place this is going to be. He gets quiet on the walk, asks questions about the place. He lives in this neighbourhood, and doesn’t even know? Odd.
from http://tatielle.tumblr.com/page/10
We get to Kalendar, and the date begins. We both order beers and some food. He takes down a beer within minutes, and I have barely had a sip of mine. We start to talk about our jobs, where I was working in the Financial Services industry at the time. He did construction work while he was trying to make it with his band. He proceeded to trash the suit lifestyle (note: I was a suit at this point), and talk about how much better his life is because he has all the time in the world for artistic expression. He isn’t confined to the cubicle. Okay. I’ve heard this all before, whatever. I disagree entirely, and I actually quite enjoy having some routine in my life (whether it be work hours, or more importantly, paycheque), but I just let it go. It’s such a cliché argument, I’m bored.
So after he has torn into my job at this point, I’m not really loving the date so much so I remind him that I need to leave by 10 O’Clock as the first Canucks game of the season is about to start. This is immediately followed by laughter. “Haven’t you grown out of that yet?”. Yes, the 30 year old drummer who is trying to “make it” with his band is asking me if have grown out of liking hockey. This date is just turning awful. He then goes on a long tangent about how much of a waste of money all professional sports are, and that his favourite sport is riding his bike to the island, and that all real sports are individual sports. This is getting to be too much.
from http://wolfganged.com/travels/downtown/
I have a hockey game, that I have now been shamed for liking, that I have to get to, so we get the bill. He grabs it immediately and looks through it. The bill is $50 and he puts down a 20. We ordered the same thing, but he had 2 more beers than I did. Strange. Whatever, I put down $45, and he makes some remark about how I am a suit I can afford to pay a bigger amount. Then he has a great idea! He takes out his credit card, and decides that he will put the whole tab on his card so he can take the (read: MY) cash so he doesn’t have to go to a bank machine. So he takes the cash, and puts down his card, and I look closely to see what tip he leaves. $5. He made MONEY off of this date.
The date is finally over, thank god. I feel at this point he isn’t into me, I pretty much hate him at this point, so let’s just part and go our separate ways. Obviously, right? After this guy has insulted my job, my love of hockey, and taken my money, he asks me if he can walk me to the next bar I’m going to go watch the game at. While we were walking, he asks if he can come along (!!! WHAT ??). I turn him down, saying I like to geek out in my jersey and it will be embarrassing etc etc. He walks me to my house so I can grab a jersey. Then, he goes in for the kill. This guy, who seemingly hated me, and I hated in return, has just tried to kiss me. I give him the cheek, and send him on his way. Within minutes I receive a text message saying “that was an amazing date, can we get together again in a few days?”. Yeah… no.
While I fully admit to not being the greatest date of all time, there are some obvious things that many guys do, that are a faux pas on a first date.
- Venue Selection: This is key. No one wants to be taken to a complete dive bar, unless it’s only for a drink. If the restaurant you have in mind is well known for it’s after 2AM rush, chances are you shouldn’t take a girl there.
- Conversation Topics: While some people say you should steer clear of politics and religion, I think it to be the opposite. It’s nice to feel out what their background is, and find anywhere you might clash beforehand. It’s not cool to tear into the other person’s job, or hobbies, right off the bat. Light, gentle teasing is fair game, but making someone legitimately feel bad about something is bad form.
- Communication Method: Call, don’t text. Sure, we are in the digital age, and everything is communicated via a Tweet, Text or Facebook Status, but there are some things that you need to go back to the roots for. I can’t tell you how nice it feels to have a boy call me, and not text me, to set up something. You can hear their voice again, and get a sense of their mood and personality.
- Payment: Did you ask her out? You should pay. Always. After a few dates, I am all for splitting the bill, but there isn’t a girl out there who wouldn’t love being treated on a date. I honestly will sometimes take it as a sign that you don’t like me if you don’t treat me. I’m a strong minded woman, independant, blah blah blah, but I still love to be wined and dined. Chivalry is not dead, some just choose to ignore it. The best tactic I’ve seen? He used to always pay the bill while I was in the washroom. Smooth.
- Kiss or No Kiss: Feel out the date. Has she touched you at all? If she has, even in the slightest way, she’s into you. If she cuts the date short, and says she has to be somewhere else, then it’s a good idea to save the kiss. There is only one thing that’s worse than going in for the kill if she’s not into it, and that’s not going in for the kill if she is. Make that first move if you are into her, otherwise she’ll assume you aren’t.
Edit: If anyone is questioning whether or not this is actually a true story, a little proof.
