Let’s Just Be Friends
Sunday, 25 April 2010
I don’t want to be your friend, I just want to be your lover.
Radiohead – “House of Cards”
from http://nastygall.tumblr.com/page/2
While Green may be the new Black,”Let’s just be friends” is most certainly the new “It’s not you, it’s me”. Sometimes, they may be four relieving words exiting your mouth, and other times, four awful words entering your ear. But do we really mean it when we say it?
I will admit that I most definitely have uttered those words on a number of occasions without actually meaning them. What I am really trying to say is “we have zero chemistry, I don’t want to date you anymore”, but unfortunately, because of the ego and fear of bruising it, it’s not as simple as just saying that. We are constantly sugar coating to lessen the blow, but the blow hurts regardless, and we are lying to ourselves by saying those four words without the slightest intent on holding true to them. It’s a lose-lose situation for both parties: one is betraying oneself, and the other party sees the emptiness of that statement; you are lying to them.
As the deliverer of this news, those words mean very little, almost robotic, a status quo of the right thing to say. On the receiving end, those words leave a sting similar to that of a slap to the face. Potentially gut wrenching, that sinking feeling in the bottom of your stomach, a loss of breath. My god those words aren’t a very friendly thing in the slightest. You know exactly what it means: you will never be. It’s over, no more chances. They have made up their mind, or at least they very well should have. During the initial feeling-out stages, you will never mention the “f” word, as you don’t know yet. But once those words are delivered, that is the most you will ever be, if you are lucky.
Once they are put on the table, and you continue to actually attempt the friendship, there is a dramatic shift of mindset. It becomes a race to the platonic finish line. They had a headstart, so you have to sprint and convince yourself of things to remove those romantic, non-friend, feelings. Dinner turns to coffee, dates transform into group hang outs, conversation shifts from flirty to neutral. What was once cute, is now annoying, what once was charming, is now a turnoff. You desperately try to see them in this new light, this “friend zone”. There will always be that initial underlying tension while the playing field is being leveled. There is no “friend” button that you can switch on and off. You can’t eliminate feelings with a snap of the fingers.
You might eventually become the best of friends, but it will not be just because you said you wanted to be.
