I’m no dating Messiah
Monday, 25 January 2010
http://barbiiie.tumblr.com/
I have fully embraced the fact that my blog might be seen as a mass deterrent for prospective dates, and frankly I kind of like it that way. As hypocritical as it sounds, I much prefer guys who aren’t completely technologically ignorant, yet are not all about twitter, blogs, facebook etc. I typically have a rule where I don’t even have boys that I date on my facebook. Remove the temptation to stalk, remove the bait of jealousy. When you introduce blogs, twitter, and facebook into the mix, you are opening up so many different avenues of jealousy, fights and anger. “Why is he/she updating facebook, but ignoring my texts” are rants I hear all too often from guys and girls alike.
As open as I am on my blog, there are some things I still think to be sacred, and when I’m crazy about a boy, that is one of them. I am smarter than you might think, and I am fully aware of the effects of what I write on here could have on a relationship – hence the 3 month period where I mentioned Crooked Star all of three times, and one was explaining why it didn’t go as well as I thought it would. When I knew it was over and that I was not interested in him at all anymore, I knew it would be safe. I also know he happens to think blogging/twitter/facebook is a bit lame and he doesn’t partake. So no risk of hurting him. Same with him. We email constantly, but he has phenomenal self control. Knows that I am here blogging away about him, tweeting away, but he hasn’t looked. How do I know this? No one is strong enough to read the words I have said, and and not comment on it.
http://shes-an-actress.tumblr.com/page/105
On the other hand, I do believe there is nothing sexier than someone who is in the know of all the latest and greatest tech/music/parties, and I think my last.fm compatibility with someone might be more accurate than my astrological compatibility. Conflicted.
OK OK. That was a long disclaimer. So that being said, because I know this blog is cute boy repellant, here we go. I’m listing the areas of dating in which I fuck up the most (at least that I am aware of. Ex-boyfriends and ex-daters, please feel free to comment, but please know I am more sensitive than you might think. Don’t make me cry.)
1. I get drunk on the first date.
Yup. Almost a guarantee. I get nervous, and when I’m nervous, I drink to calm the nerves. This doesn’t apply to good versus bad dates, it’s almost every date. If it’s a good date, I want it to go longer, so I go for an extra round. Or 12. (That’s what she said?). If it’s a bad date, I want to at least make it not a complete waste of a night and make it a party. Once, this paid off in his favour as it seemed I drank until he was cute. He got a kiss he would not have otherwise. Let that be a lesson to me.
2. I talk way too much.
I hate awkward silences. So I fill them with potentially awkward conversation. I also have a problem where if I really like you, I will talk about myself a lot in efforts to try and convince you I am super awesome. It’s not because I’m disinterested in you, I just want to make sure you are interested in me. Usually this is counterproductive and you think I am conceited. Most of the times, I just don’t know what else to say (which is a sign of a bad date typically). Also, the more number 1 up there I get, the more this happens.
3. I will bring up ex boyfriends
Again, this is usually a sign of a bad date all together, but if the conversation is lulling, and I can’t think of anything else to talk about, my ex boyfriends slip into the conversation. At this point, a red light should be going off, because this likely means I am comparing you to them. Which is a huge date mistake. I have some pretty hot cool ex boyfriends. I don’t give you a fair chance.
4. I lie
I have NO idea why I do this one, but almost every single date I lie about at least SOMETHING. Nothing crazy huge, like dealbreaker stuff, but the stupidest shit. That’s why I don’t get why I do it. My last lie was definitely pretending to know the band Atlas Sound when it was playing. He said “do you like these guys?”, and instead of doing the logical thing and saying “I like this song, who are they?”, nooo of course I needed to sound cool and said “Oh yeah, I love them. Great album”. Then, when he went to the bathroom I quickly pulled out Shazaam on my iPhone and figured out who they were so I could not sound like an idiot. I have been also known to do this with Google. Even the other night in a drunken haze I had forgotten someone’s name who I was talking to all night (and most definitely remember and would know in any other context), and I had to do a Twitter search quickly in the bathroom. So WATCH me on my phone, I’m sneaky and resourceful. And also a big fat liar.
5. If I like you a lot, dating rules go out the door
I will text you. Funny things I see, or just saying what’s up. I am good at the games until I really like you. Then I am bad at censoring myself. Especially when it’s a Friday or Saturday night. It is highly likely you will receive a 2 AM “Hey.” text message from me. If I do not receive a response, this will more than likely be followed by another “?” text. Depending on how long we’ve been seeing each other, this might be followed with a “Fucking Brutal”. Little drunk Breanna doesn’t like it when she doesn’t get her way. I also send drunk emails. And make sure you don’t bring them up in person, as I get sheepish and get ”shameover”. I almost always regret it the next morning, and it will be followed with an apology as soon as I get the chance, but with some, it’s too late and they think I’m a complete maniac crazy psycho. I really believe I am not. If you don’t have thick skin, or don’t think I’m cute enough to get away with it, we will never last. Also, if you are my ex, be prepared for a few late night booty calls.
To be continued.. as this list is endless.
