Tightrope

So you’re wishing that you never did
All the embarrassing things you’ve done

And you’re wishing you could set it right
And you’re wishing you could stay tonight

But there I go again, wishing never solved the problem
If you wanna get it big time, go ahead and get it get it big time

Yeasayer “Tightrope”

Well folks, the cat is out of the bag. With my face plastered on every provincial newspaper across Canada (the front page of the Financial Post, as well as a full page accompanying article in last Friday’s National Post) and my readership consistently spilling into multiples of thousands, I have to come to terms with the fact that people now know I have a blog. Holy shit. This is a frightening feeling, but exhilarating as well.

So, I’m pegged as a dating blogger. This term makes my cringe every time I read, hear or see it. While dating is certainly part of my blog, I like to think that there is more here than that. It’s my outlet, a place where I can share bone-chilling lyrics, inspirational imagery, and life altering songs. This is a place where I can get away from my day to day career and share things that are deep inside my mind, begging to be released. It’s a blog about a twenty something girl who is balancing on the tightrope of insecurity and self awareness; a girl who is struggling to find that one person who inspires her, challenges her… accepts her.

I used to keep it a secret. I would never post my entries to my Facebook profile, kept it solely to those who follow me on Twitter — odd that I felt more comfortable sharing my blog with thousands of “strangers”, but not a few hundred people who know me. But now, I have no choice. The secret is out, and I have reached a state of emotional confusion that I am struggling to grasp, or explain.

The night before the photoshoot with the National Post I had an anxiety attack. Do I really want the world to know about something I keep so sacred and dear to my heart? Do I really want to take away from all my career and my accomplishments in the field of technology by having the label of a ‘dating blogger’? I abandoned a boyfriend of two and a half years, the comforts of a lifetime of friends and family to fly across the country to study computer science and start a successful career in tech. Will all of this now be overshadowed because of the release of my consuming thoughts that keep my mind full and my heart slightly weak? For now, I am gracious for the exposure, to have something in print validate what consumes so much of my spare time.  This is not a means to an end, but rather something that has been now been given tangible meaning. I am a blogger, and I am also a Product Manager. One thing does not define me more than the other, they are simply attributes of the person that I am as a whole.

Each and every day starts and ends with the same growing concern, the same haunting thought. Can I maintain this balance; achieve success both in my career, as well in my emotional release? Or, will I lose my balance and with one wrong step, fall off this tightrope?

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  • Bob

    You have a blog on the Internet. How do you think you could ever keep that as a secret?

  • http://www.unbrelievable.com/ Breanna Hughes

    The post is not about me keeping my blog a secret, I've been posting it to my facebook for months now, and have started openly talking about it.

    This post is about the struggle I have for being known more for my blog, and as a “dating blogger”, when that's not how I see myself.

  • Brian Alkerton

    I'm not quite sure how you'll pull it off, but I'm more than confident you will. Congrats on the story in the Post!

  • Sandy

    If you only blog about shopping, your hair, “boys”, dating, music, etc then people are naturally going to assume that that is all you care about. I know I have. If you're really concerned about being labeled as a dating blogger and the implications it might have on how people perceive you, perhaps you should start including a sentence or two about real/significant world issues/crises/events – some basic examples include, I don't know say, the flood in Pakistan and the real world implications of this….or the Chilean miners trapped underground for the forseeable next 4 months….etc etc.

  • Luc

    wow, people really like to hate on people that are successful online.
    congrats on the blog and the recognition Bre. im proud to say I used to stream Canucks games and get smashed with you on weeknights hahahaha

  • Sandy

    I realize this might have sounded harsher than I intended. Your blog is fun which is why I read it, but if you're concerned with it being pigeonholed you can always add more topics to diversify.

  • http://casiestewart.com casiestewart

    Congrats on going national. I thought you writing about your article would have been more positive? Good luck “balancing on the tightrope of insecurity and self awareness” having a blog isn't easy.

  • http://www.unbrelievable.com/ Breanna Hughes

    Yeah, I know. But its tricky. Remember how you always told me you could never write about relationships because it's just so hard? You were right. It is hard. I'm still learning.

  • http://casiestewart.com casiestewart

    Keep it up. I could never do it!

  • http://www.unbrelievable.com/ Breanna Hughes

    Agh. Wow. Your comment is EXACTLY why I wrote this post. I want to highlight

    that just because I talk about those things on my blog, does not mean I have

    a one dimensional mind. There are a lot of things I have interests in, but

    some things I prefer for conversation.

    It was by no means my intention to come across whiny and complaining about

    being pigeon-holed as a “dating blogger”, more about my fear of being seen

    solely as a blogger, period, and not recognized for the other things I do in

    life. I'm struggling with my identification, if you will. Who am I, really?

    As for not talking about word issues. Honestly, you wouldn't WANT to see me

    write about that. I'm TERRIBLE at it. I'm trying the technology writing

    thing on my other blog, and even finding that hard. There are certain things

    people are good at writing about, and then there are things they might be

    terrible at. Blogs are meant to be specialized, and I see nothing wrong with

    what I am writing here. It's like my journal, spilling out onto the open

    web. How many people write about current events in their private journals?

    And again, I think those topics are better covered in a conversation with

    friends.

    If you do want to see me raise awareness on all these issues, then follow me

    on twitter. Beyond the sarcasm and music tweets, there are plenty

    highlighting various non-profits and issues that people may have forgotten

    about. I also volunteer monthly, participate in many fundraising events and

    so on and so forth.